So I walked all over Macys to look for a Mothers day gift and the only decent looking thing I could afford was this Michael Kors bag. The other colors were…meh.. but yea the Aqua color really stood out to me. I thought it would make a great vacation bag since we’re going to Cali this summer. So yea I gave it to my mom and she was like thank you :) and then…she said “oh..this color :/” I was kinda bummed out but its okay I gave her the gift receipt and she got so excited thinking about all the things she could exchange it for lols whatever makes her happy :p
I know I haven’t been posting about positive things lately but I can’t lie, I’m not happy. I try to be though and I try keeping my head up but at the end of the day I’m so overwhelmed by all these thoughts. I just keep thinking about it. I wish things could’ve been different but I know…things would’ve been way more chaotic if I didn’t make that choice. I’m not proud but..it was the right choice. I used to ask God all the time, “why can’t you give me the strength to move on? Why are you keeping him in my life even though you see how heartless he’s been to me and how much he’s tearing me up.” The reason for my decision was to not hold him back in life. I wanted more and better for him and I thought he wanted the same. And I pushed as much as I could and I know I did everything I possibly could to hold the relationship together. Now I’m watching him succeed and I pat myself on my shoulder for helping him be where he is now. But then I question…so I was put in his life to help him and benefit him and everything worked out in his favor…and what do I get in return? I received nothing but pain and misery and regret. And still I keep picking myself up every time I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom. I’m forced to stay strong and I just wish that God could just send me someone to comfort me. But I know that I’m so mentally broken that God knows I’m not ready for another boyfriend. It’s all I want and need right now though..someone to open up and cry to, someone to cuddle and sleep with, someone to make me care again and see life in color. It’s weird how much I open up about my life when I’m on tumblr..I really hope that the eight followers that I have are the only people that know about my tumblr -___-
Jeremy Lin.
Chalk Board theme
